Wednesday, April 28, 2010

You & I

He was a happy man ! Finally a lil "angel" to pamper and tease as well as annoy. My fondest memories are of him lifting me up in the air and I would always end up giggling so much ! We went on so many holidays and trips before shifting base across seas. Made me feel like a princess...would get pampered by all but most importantly him !

Shifting base was a difficult process for them - leaving home, their families and the familiarity with one's own people. It was more like an adventure for me. I enjoyed every minute we spent with L,M & K and will be eternally thankful and grateful to them for being some of the awesomest friends we have. He would always make sure that I was happy and got whatever I wanted. We fought and argued even then, but he would apologize by hugging me and putting me to sleep. If I had an issue with a classmate or teacher - he would be the first and only one to rescue me. During the math training sessions - he became unrecognizable. It was as good as World War III. There were screaming and yelling matches like one had never seen before. With the birth of a younger demon nothing changed. I was still the favouritest. But this time it was the favouritest elder one. I could live with that !

We shifted base again and moved to a bigger city. We grew up and had a bigger house and more friends. We met community families away from home. I'm glad and thankful to the Ps, Bs, Ns for their lifelong support and friendship.

Pretty car came. So much excitement. So much travelling and the love and support just never stopped ! While growing up up and learning the ways of life he became my best friend. School gossip, crushes, love/hate stories were all shared over ice creams at Baskin Robbins, Haagen Dasz; coffees and ice teas at Starbucks, Malls, etc. I was learning to dance then and excelling at school while he stood there proud and basking in the glory of his baby's achievements.
Boys - pah...only he knows how he survived that ordeal with me ! I thought he would keep me couped and never let me set eyes on a boy till eternity. Afterall, I was his. But we survived this too. Arguements and fights would sort of get resolved by not talking for almost 2 weeks. But he could never do so. It was an almost impossible task for him. We managed. We lived because we loved !

Accident - minor injuries but it was goodbye to his prized possession; the pretty car. He lived then. Shocked but still lived. I almost died "inside". I am thankful that was not the end of his journey.

Shifted base - again ! I survived those 4 years because of his love and his determination to make sure that I become atleast 1/4th of what his sister is. I tried. I may have succeeded. It was a crazy 4 years. So much of a culture shock. Which led him to fight against the authorities to save my name and reputation. He survived the phase of "nice lil girl going crazy". Hats off to him.
I came 1st. A lifelong dream - more so for him. Printed the articles and sent out emails. Treated the office and the school(s). Treated me - unlimited ! Never once questioned where the money was going.

At the airport he had tears in his eyes. He said "we can turn around right now. You don't have to go. There are places to study here too." But i was adamant. There would be calls everyday. Updates everyday. He was proud. We fought ! We cried ! We missed ! But we still lived because we loved. The amount of support i got as i went through a string of relationships and odd friendships - amazes me ! He tried to protect me. I just refused to heed his advice. I was still his favouritest elder one.

We met - 2wice a year. Fun holidays that included alone time; shawarmas, chinese, malls, shopping, areej, paris gallery, starbucks, mugg & bean, baskin robbins and movies. We went hand in hand everywhere. I made fun of his car. It had torn upholstery. But it was still his ! Decision making help he asked from me. Always. Aldo shoes and Nine West bag - he went and bought; only knowing that I saw them online and really liked it.

Every 1st Jan there would be a small gift on my pillow. Every new year ! Perfumes galore. Eye liners and lip gloss. For those of who knew him - this would not come as a surprise. Despite our constant refusals - they never stopped coming home. Sometime we would just let him be.
He asked now what ? I said shifting base. Going away. Tired of homeland. He said Go ! Don't worry about money. We fought then. He changed his mind - no reason. Now - I'm glad !
Stayed back. Continued. New life and new friends. And saw him more often than ever. Glad only I was. Worried he would get - No boyfriend, single. Who will marry me. Big fat Indian wedding he wanted. Wanted the whole world to celebrate. Tried - made efforts to set me up and coax me into reviewing matrimonial sites !

Law was passed that women will be permitted to light funeral pyres and witness cremations. I get a call - "No matter what anybody says or how it happens, you are going to cremate me." I said yes; shrugged it off. Because we are all supposed to be immortal nah ?

Eventually Lost family and lost friends. Never thought I would lose a part of my soul.
15th October 2009 - a late night call shattered me. Broke me. My man just decided to leave. I was glad and happy that it happened the way it did. Loved being there; Sitting and closing his eyes and praying. I'm glad he didnt become white and go. I'm glad there was no hospital and tubes and huge medical bills. I'm glad he lived, loved and was mine !

He came. Smiling like a fool. All cold and ashen. But as sexy and awesome as ever. So glad he would have been with all the attention he was getting. Flowers - pretty ones were there for him. Nothing traditional - only T lights. Cool no he thought he was. Sister kept her word and organized his departure in style ! Just the way he would have liked it.
I cried in the arms of family and friends. Never once did She cry. She was the epitome of strength and grit. She amazed me and continues to do so. Support, love, wishes and promises of help poured in from all over the world. Very few meant what they said/promised. Very few understood that it was important to let us just be !

I lived. I survived. I crumbled. I missed. I hated. I denied. I wished. I laughed. I tried.

He was my best critic, best audience, cheerleader, partner in crime. He was and will always be my best friend. It's been 6 months and it hurts like crazy. It's funny how life can be. Nothing lasts forever. But love and respect stays...always - Especially the unconditional types.
Is there a man anywhere like him for me ? I always wondered. I still do. No, there can always be only one Fatty. Boy, am i thankful for that.

Every night i wish he would be around to see me graduate, get my 1st pay cheque, pay my credit card bills, pamper me and hold me when I feel weak. But he is. As much as none of the others would like to believe - he lives on.

I can hear him sing -
Goodnight, my angel
Time to close your eyes
And save these questions for another day
I think I know what you've been asking me, I think you know what I've been trying to say
I promised I would never leave you, And you should always know, Wherever you may go
No matter where you are, I never will be far away,
Goodnight, my angel, Now it's time to sleep, And still so many things I want to say
Remember all the songs you sang for me, When we went sailing on an emerald bay
And like a boat out on the ocean, I'm rocking you to sleep, The water's dark and deep
Inside this ancient heart, You'll always be a part of me.
Goodnight, my angel, Now it's time to dream, And dream how wonderful your life will be, Someday your child may cry, And if you sing this lullabye,
Then in your heart, There will always be a part of me, Someday we'll all be gone, But lullabyes go on and on...
They never die,
That's how you
And I Will be